I started this blog once I knew Lindsey was pregnant in 2018 and we had gotten to a point to know it was actually going to happen. I was reading mom sites then to prepare me for what was coming, and one of the pieces of advice was to make a "baby journal" of the early days so you could look back onto them. I was familiar with Blogger so I decided to make a blog instead.
Soon after I had the concept of making a blog I realized that it was useful for more than just capturing a single hectic moment in time. What really hit home during Finn's baby shower was this was going to be a sea change in my life, and post-Finn me was going to have trouble relating to pre-Finn me. So many of the initial posts in this blog where me trying to capture the thoughts and feelings of that previous life stage prior to it all being washed away. So I took the idea that started at the baby shower in Odessa and extended into being a complete journal of this part of my life.
I basically see my adult life broken into four chunks: my college days which seem so far back they aren't even relatable, the time I lived in Odessa after college which is mostly remembered as me and Lindsey living in that duplex together and us going to UTPB, living at Laurel Lane, and the Finn years at the new house. The blog has a little bit from the Odessa time but even that was too far back when I started. Early posts on the blog really capture the Laurel Lane period and especially Luna's part in it. And of course I did my best to write about what life has been like post-Finn in the four years he has been alive.
For the last two stages of my life the ability to write in this blog has been substantial. I feel like I did a good job of capturing the last of my pre-Finn life before it washed away, and I feel like I have done a decent job of capturing the little eras of Finn as he has changed into many different versions of himself the last few years. The trauma of leaving behind some of my favorite parts of Finn, as well as the joy of being able to really soak up some of those parts have all be captured here.
The entire time I have been adding to this blog (usually in streaks), a warchest has been whittled away. After the first baby shower Finn's little closet was full of stuff. Most of it were items and clothing that were useful early in his life, and those got used early on. There were a few pieces of clothing that were only valid once he was larger- like 12-24 months- but now we are years past him being able to wear any of that and the only items from that time that remain do because of my nostalgia. But there was one piece of clothing: a panda vest from China- that seemed like a distant consideration during the shower but has hung in Finn's closest ever since.
Realizing this year that he might be too big soon for that we have brought it out, and he has had fun playing panda. In doing so we have completed the loop: every item and piece of momentum we carried from the baby shower are gone. I have changed since then too: much less hair on my head, and much more going on in my average day. When I started this blog the days of Xena were still on the tip of my head, and letting go of the Laurel Lane life stage was my big concern. Today I struggle to remember Luna in all her glory, despite the fact she survived for half of Finn's life. Finn is officially a big boy, not a baby.
For a moment I considered shutting down this blog, calling it "done." But I don't feel like this is the right time for two reasons:
1. I feel like even though Finn is flying through life stages this part of my life isn't done until he starts public school. From talking to other parents that is the moment when it really all changes and you look up and suddenly he is in college.
2. This current year is not only the best I have had with Finn, but the time with him recently is the best I have had in life. I feel a greater sense of purpose than I ever have before interacting with him daily and I know one day when I am old and he is long out of my house that I will want to capture the memories from this period too.
One big take away from Buddy's final year or so was the fact that at one point all I will have is looking back on these days, and any content from today (so all the pictures and this blog) will be priceless. Also I have enjoyed looking back at my 2018 mindset, I really think that was the best version of me ever. So the "baby blog" stays. For now.
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