A year on my own

As of this weekend I have been on my own for a year. Many divorced people celebrate the day of the legal divorce, but to me the big day was the day I got the keys to my own place. I will always look back on December 13th as a day of a major event in my life, the day I drove down WAY into Austin to get the keys from the management company my landlord uses while listening to Green Lights for the first time. The day my new life started. This post is a recount of the ups and downs of this year. 

A huge victory to start the year was finding my little house for the price I got it for. I was given good advice to look for rentals in December that paid off. I was going to move out February, but part of me wanted it over in 2024 and then when I saw the prices in December I knew that was the time to do it. Originally I was thinking apartments but when I could get a house for not much more it was an easy win seeing as how I had to charge my car and I couldn't afford a gas car. The house's garage let me charge. Plus the house was a newer build, so it didn't feel like much of step down from the old house. In fact many of the fixtures were similar, same builder most likely. My little house has had just enough space where I never felt cramped even with Finn (it even had a "grown up shower"), and when it eventually allowed me to just walk him home from after-school daycare it ended up being an even bigger win. Finn loves being a "walker" at Creative World and tells me that almost every time I pick him up. Though he was disappointed that I didn't get an apartment- he claimed all year I stole that experience from him. 

I was also really proud of how I filled out the place and decorated it as cheaply as I could. Most of the furniture my sister helped me pick out and I bought Black Friday 2024, though some I picked up after the fact to match the decor (like Finn's dresser from Ikea). I remember when the furniture started arriving the bed was too heavy, I could barely drag it into the garage with all my strength. The corner of the box and part of the bed got scratched because of the dragging on the curb, and I kept that part of the damaged box (the rest got recycled) to remind me of the hard work I did to become independent. Most of the furniture looked good once I set it up, though there was a coffee table my sister picked out that was a terrible match. Wayfare didn't even want it back- they refunded me it and let me keep it. Its still in my garage in the box. Instead I got a table from World Market- maybe the single nicest piece of furniture in my house.

I was really focused on not having bare walls, doing what I could to fill in gaps left from the few decorations I took from the old house. Most of the decorations I got from At Home from their clearance inventory, I ordered over $1000 worth of stuff and then stacked on top a moving coupon they sent me. Between the two I probably saved over $600 on decorations which was awesome because I got that done quickly and the house has felt lived in all year.  I remember picking up that order and the employees there were a little freaked out, you could tell they weren't used to pick up orders that large. I added in some extra from the store in Round Rock, trying to work towards a vision I had for the place. Also I remember spending a bunch at Ikea to change the doors on the "entertainment center" the owner had in the house to make it all seem more adult and less elementary school. I had seen some really cool male places on Reddit that I wanted to emulate and I think I did a great job in a few weeks (though I did kill a poor plant early on trying to have real plants inside). I remember how mad Lindsey got when she saw it all decorated the first week of January, I could tell she thought I did a good job. The internet approved as well when I put it on the Threads, some couldn't believe a straight man decorated the place. 

The move out was something else I was proud of, me renting a local UHaul, filling it with my furniture and stuff and being out of the house within a weekend. I remember when I started the front room was just overloaded with my stuff, and at the end I had a cardboard box pile near the back door that reached the ceiling. It took me a week of working to build all the furniture, which I did all myself except when I had to have Lindsey help me drag my mattress up the stairs. I remember the crisp air the day I rented the UHaul, and how strange it felt to be moving by myself. I also remember how tired I was when I was taking that UHaul back to the rental place the next day a few hours before the deadline. But I did it, mostly thanks to my boss letting me have the week off work even though I was out of time off officially. My back hurt for three weeks after, but I made the place "livable" as Finn would say, before 2025 started. 

One of the biggest let downs of the year, and my adult life, was the day I got the first box from Hungryroot in January. My sister recommended the service to help me learn how to cook and feed myself better. I remember crying because I didn't know how to do anything the instructions asked for. I ended up using most of the food using techniques I did know- sous vide and air fryer. But then going forward I just ordered from them premade meals, a choice that fucked up their system. They had to give me a huge credit back when they sent me four of the same thing one week when I didn't catch it in time. Eventually I just set a reminder to fix it weekly, and those meals became the backstop of a year when I lost a lot of weight and felt pretty good. Also Finn got to the point he loved "Hungryroot food" from the small snacks I would get from them to fill out orders. 

In retrospect one thing that saved me this year was my obsessive personality. First I obsessed about keeping my quality of life (aka having stuff like a Vitamix out the gate) before I left- in particular which mattress I should buy took weeks of research. Then I obsessed about the decorations for a month and getting them as cheap as possible. Then I obsessed about records- I got a record player from Wal Mart on a whim Jan 6th and started building out my record collection. When Finn really took to the concept I really got into it, and before I knew it I had a decent record collection. In particular I have great memories of taking him to Half Priced Books to get kids records and how excited that made him for cheap (each was a couple dollars). By Feb 2nd of the next month I had returned the record player to get a better one, one that could keep the timing perfect. I combined it with speakers and an AV receiver I had from my old life to use some of the equipment I took with me that otherwise didn't have a place in my new space. I had a dream in my head about one day going through the collection with a lady in my life showing off the music I loved, which was an activity that also happened in the first year as well! Overall that was a huge win for me. 

Another obsession of mine, and another victory of the year, was camping. I bought my first tent the day I moved out of the old house and in late February I spent many evenings by myself combing through the four Walmarts near me for clearance camping items. For the most part I ended up needing everything I collected to go camping- by myself and with Finn. Or some things- like the hammock chair Rachel liked I got for $18- paid off around my homestead. Some camping supplies I had collected throughout my life and never used- like the multi-tool I got as a groomsman gift a decade before. Other camping supplies I put together from online deals and couponing, my dad kept offering me his equipment but I wanted stuff that was all my own. Once I got it all I had to get a shelf in my garage to keep it all on. Not everything was a win- I got a kayak off of Woot I intended to use with Finn over the summer that never actually left its box this year. Maybe in 2026. 

The biggest highlights of actual camping were the first time I went by myself, the first time I primative camped, the first time I went with Finn, and the first time I camped at Colorado Bend. Camping for the first time by myself at Inks Feb 25th was a trip, it was my first camping trip in maybe 20 years. I have been around Inks for more than half my life, but actually going out there and spending the night using all the equipment I collected felt special. It inspired me to keep going in 2025. March 16th I went primative camping for the first time ever, a real challenge to do by myself. I remember how cold it was- I had to sleep in all my clothing to stay warm enough. I remember spilling a lot of water so I barely had enough to complete the camp- I almost had to bail. I remember how lonely that night felt (I didn't even have River) and how that was a reflection of how alone I was in my new life. I remember how proud I felt I fed myself and got back to the car in one piece the next day. Looking forward to my next camping trip like that maybe next month. This time I will be more careful with water. 

The weekend after I took Finn on our first trip to go camping together, and that was a bunch of fun. His mom got so upset I took him, but he had a blast staying in "dad's room" (what he called my tent). I felt like I was finally fulfilling a goal I had for him since before he was born- to get him into nature. We ended up going camping a total of four times in 2025, and each one was a great memory. In particular I loved the time we went camping down at Lakewood Park down the street. It was stressful at first because it was raining as I put up the tent, and River was such a bad dog we had to go back to the house to drop her off for the night. But then they put up an inflatable movie screen and me and Finn saw "A Wild Robot" for the first time, something he really enjoyed from the comfort of a camping chair. He had plenty of space to rock in his chair that night, and we enjoyed smores right after. 

The last camping trip that really stands out was my trip to Colorado Bend. I kinda did that one last minute, and at first it felt like a bust. I forgot key equipment that I usually have (air mattress) and I was outside of a phone signal. But it ended up being a lot of fun using the feature on my new phone to text via satellite all night, and I found an EDM station on FM radio that kept me entertained until I got tired. The next day I walked all around the campsite and got a feel for the place, then before we left the park me and River went on a long hike to the waterfalls there. I was glad I did- it was the most challenging hike I had all year and River did an amazing job of sticking to the trail. I realized afterwards I might look back at that day as a great memory of her in her prime. I look forward to taking Finn to that campsite in 2026. 

Speaking of hiking that was another major victory for me this year- how much walking and hiking I did. My dream of hiking seriously at Balcones Park never worked out, but I one day I took River to the trail I had been to dozens of times before at the Williamson County Park (the one where I taught Finn to walk with Luna) and me and River went off the main trail I had been on many times. From that main trail we found another trail that went into a whole part of the park I didn't know existed. I didn't see another person, and the adventure made me feel great about how I was getting to bond with a dog I didn't even expect to have in 2025. I now feel like I finally know all there is to know about that park, which is a good feeling when I might move away from it soon. Maybe I go back to visit for the memories. 

If nothing else I appreciate the neighborhood I am in for how good it is for walking. The old neighborhood always felt like a step down from the one we had when we first moved to Leander, but my current house has the best of all three. I found a route past the high school, through an adjacent neighborhood, back through Lakewood park and then up to my house. I would get on my phone with my aunt or Rachel and just walk during nights I didn't have Finn, it really helped when I tried to get River's weight down after she ballooned during the first two months of the year before I got her a cat feeder. 

A real down day for me this year was the day when I signed the first draft of our divorce settlement agreement in August. By that point I had already been dating and had been out of the house for a bit, but the finality of it all got to me. I guess some part of me just didn't let go until I saw it in black and white. Luckily that day I was lined up to go to yoga class with my favorite instructor, and her positive attitude really helped me get through what was probably the biggest bummer of a day in 2025. The day the final agreement went through to court was much better. I was very active in finding issues in it and trying my best to get the best deal I could down to the wire. Overall I was very happy that my divorce got done within the year after I moved out, and I am glad I got to a point with Lindsey where we stopped fighting each other. 

What really set the tone for my year more than anything was Finn- him being in therapy and eventually school. The three months he was in Kindergarten wore me out with all the back and forth, but it was worth it for him to get some memories of Kinder. The summer ended up being the last big push for therapy and I enjoyed the stability of that time- I used the summer window as a time to get into dating- and then I celebrated when he rolled into first grade without any issues. I had a lot of fun going to the "HuskeyFest" at his school around Halloween in his Mario costume, or just the joy of taking his picture out front on the first day. He has really taken to "real school" well and I am proud of the leaps he made this year, they made me feel like I at least made some good decisions in life. 

Getting to go on two family trips this year was huge for me, as was getting to see my friends so much in the first half of the year. I really appreciate that I was able to get into therapy when I did and got a therapist that clicked with me, I think that allowed me a lot of progress in a short time. I enjoyed the Back to the Future anniversary in October more than I expected, it was fun to revisit those movies for movies and not as predictions of my future. I enjoyed hanging out with Adam, and near weekly yoga, seeing my sister in the spring and taking her on an in retrospect crazy hike. I enjoyed getting a pre-order for a Switch 2 before Adam did, though he got the console before me. I enjoyed eating the cookies Rachel made me with Finn, and the random weekends I got with Hilda. I liked getting to go to California, seeing computers I have read about for decades or seeing redwoods that Buddy told me about as a child. I enjoyed reconnecting with old friends and my aunt, becoming a mini-influencer for dating for a few months on Threads, meeting Rachel and getting to bond with her over being parents. I enjoyed where I lived, how I lived, and what I did. Overall it was a great year. 

Going into next year I don't know what the future holds. What is clear to me is my current life stage has an expiration date, and soon I will be in a different place physically and in life. I know I will look back fondly on 2025 as the year I did and I did for me, I did to prove I could do. I will be proud I found a way to keep myself from falling apart for me and Finn, and that we grew closer the entire time.