A Stranger in our Bed

When Lindsey surprised me with the news she had partially completed the Austin Boxer Rescue adoption paperwork it felt like some light at the end of a tunnel we had been in since Luna died. At that point we had given up on the concept that we would be dogless for years, but I kept saying I at least wanted to wait until we had gotten past the trips I knew would be made at the end of the year. We all wanted a new dog but it was a big risk to get one before we were ready and an even bigger risk to get a puppy that needed to be trained and house broken right as both Lindsey and I lost the ability to be home all day post-COVID. A rescue dog that was older seemed like an option that would fit best with us, which is why Lindsey started in that direction.  

I didn't want to get too excited at that time and I was very involved with putting together my online conference for work that was going to launch in a few weeks, but part of me was very surprised that there was a possibility we would get another boxer. We had discussed smaller breeds but all of those were almost impossible to get post-COVID, and deep down I have always wanted a rescue dog and I felt there were good dogs out there that needed homes. Luna's behavior around Finn meant I could trust a boxer more than any other breed, which was an important consideration when the next dog we would get would basically grow up with him. But just filling out the paperwork was just a first step and I didn't know what the next one would be. 

My surprise turned to excitement when she said that we should go into Austin for the adoption fair they would have that weekend on Saturday. We hadn't decided to get another dog yet but she wanted to see what sort of dog the rescue had. I was just happy to be around boxers again, I was looking forward to soaking up the licks and the boxer excitement they were known for. Even if we didn't go home with a dog I was ready to play with my favorite breed as a much needed pick-me-up after one of the worst summers I have had in my life. I was fairly confident we wouldn't go there without leaving with a dog, but I went in not expecting that- instead wanting to make sure we did our due diligence. Those rescue dogs have been through a lot and its not often you pick up a new family member so I made sure my excitement was mostly about seeing so many boxers. That was enough to that I looked forward to it all that week. 

We arrived before most people did and before all the dogs were even there. They had a big tent setup for registration and signing in, and then there was a park area and a covered area filled with different camps of people each holding a leash to a boxer. We were assigned a "matchmaker" who was a nice man volunteering his time despite not even having a boxer himself. He asked us questions about what gender we preferred and what we were looking for, though really the main criteria was all about a dog that would do well with Finn. We were told that there would soon be new dogs from a local shelter that would come, but with our matchmaker we went out and started to meet the individual dogs that fosters had brought to the fair. 

The basic arrangement was you walked up to a group holding onto a dog leash with a unique boxer on each, and then if they were the foster home you could ask questions and request being able to walk around with the dog. The day was sunny and everyone there was smiling, it was a fantastic moment in time. Finn at first was on his best behavior and was willing to be walked around with a hand held to the stations. I got him one of the free donuts and we went to meet the first dog, and older white boxer that didn't seem to excited about Finn but I was very excited to meet because she was a boxer. After the first we began to explore more, and that day I probably met six boxers total out of the over a dozen there. 

Despite how bright and sunny that day is in my memory during the actual event and afterwards it was clear the cloud of Luna still hung over our family. Seeing all the big silly boxers certainly jolted the sense of her presence in my mind, and even Finn couldn't get away from her memory. In particular there was a brindle female boxer there who we met and when Finn saw her he ran up and said with all the excitement he could muster "ABU!!!" thinking it was his long lost friend. When he looked the dog in the face and saw it wasn't her he was shocked and saddened at the same time, he just wanted his friend back. Part of me was very happy that he remembered her so fondly, which was literally the last hope I had regarding her role in the world when she was alive at the end. But part of me was sad that he felt the loss so strongly, as earlier that week he even put he head next to a picture of Luna lovingly when I brought it out. It was clear he still missed his friend and having a dog which added an urgency to the entire endeavor. 

As we went from dog to dog, foster to foster, eventually one stood out. She was small, white, and had lived in a foster home with two young girls each Finn's age or younger even. The foster mom talked about how good this boxer named Hilda was with her girls, how they would sleep with her or dress her up and the dog would always go along with it. For her part Hilda seemed like the most personable dog there, she immediately took to Finn and wanted to play with me. I thought to myself "I would take this dog home right now" but I didn't want to get my hopes up nor did I want to shortcut the process of meeting as many of the dogs they had that I could. Lindsey mumbled something about wanting to talk to the rescue workers about finishing the adoption paperwork and walked off. At the same time Finn ran up the hill so I chased after him leaving Hilda behind. 

After I got Finn wrangled the matchmaker took us to see another dog from the kennel, a sweet fawn boxer who let Finn just go to town on her lips and didn't do anything. She didn't seem as wild as Hilda and was in a worse spot (not even being in a foster home) so I took her leash and went to go find Lindsey with Finn in tow so she could meet the only other dog there I liked. I took this new dog and Finn to the registration tent where we found Lindsey had completed the registration and was talking with one of the two woman who obviously ran the rescue. Lindsey took the leash of the new dog and I picked up a Finn who was getting tired and who was no longer wanting to go along with the flow that day. I used all my strength to juggle Finn in my arms as the woman tried to talk to me about how to crate a dog. Much of my memories of that day are of the boxers and of trying to wrangle Finn, which was a reality of our life overall this year. 

Eventually Lindsey took Finn and handed me back the dog leash. I walked the fawn boxer back to her handlers and the matchmaker asked if she was the one. I told him "I think my son has a different favorite" and we both walked down the hill to Lindsey and Finn who were talking with the woman who kept Hilda. For her part Hilda was excited to see me again, and she started to play with me with an excitement that I hadn't gotten from any dog since Xena died. "I think maybe dad maybe has a favorite dog too" the matchmaker declared as we played. 

Lindsey was talking with the foster and declared that Hilda was the dog we wanted. So then we went back to the tent to finish the paperwork needed. In my periphery I could see the woman who fostered Hilda saying goodbye to the dog with her two girls who were obviously very sad to lose this dog in their lives. I felt a mix of emotions in this moment, sad for the girls for losing a friend but happy to gain a dog they were so emotionally tied to. Lindsey admitted that she left us after seeing Hilda because she knew that this small white dog already around young kids was likely to get adopted if we didn't and she didn't want to hesitate when a dog that seemed like such a great fit was right in front of us. The fawn dog was more subdued and didn't impress her, but Hilda's excitement and affection for us was both obvious and immediate. She was our dog, waiting for us to find her. 

As Lindsey digitally signed the forms the leader of the boxer rescue was nice enough to notice Finn was bored and let him choose which blanket we would get with Hilda. He quickly picked out the pink blanket from the options and got very excited about it, an excitement that the people around the tent took as excitement for getting a new dog! She explained to me that she herself had many pairs boxers over her lifetime and that she had a good feeling about Hilda finding a home. When the paperwork was done she was nice enough to let Finn ring the cowbell that signified an adoption, and then he was elated by both that sound and the cheers from the crowd. At that point we were given a small leash and then we held Hilda for a picture I assume for their social media. Hilda for her part got very excited, as if she knew this family she liked just adopted her. Hilda's burst quickly pulled the leash out of my hands (much to the chagrin of the woman running the show) and so I had to pick her up and carry her to the car with most of the people in the tent cheering on her excitement behind me in a fairly Hollywood moment. All in all the entire Austin Boxer Rescue fair was a great experience and though in the moment I was tired from wrangling Finn I knew I would look back at the entire thing as a life changing event on a random Saturday. 

When we got home the highs of the morning quickly faded away and we moved into planning mode. The old dog door had to go back on, the old cage had to come out (the only thing I saved from Luna), and suddenly we would need leashes and dog food and bowls and so many things we had thrown away that summer. Hilda for her part made herself at home, and I busied myself with executing the steps needed to have a dog again. Hanging over both me and Lindsey was an obvious sadness over how the entire event opened the wound about Luna. The sound of the flap flapping, the purchase of dog treats and food, and just the presence of a dog in our lives was a little overwhelming at first, and it was clear that maybe we jumped the gun getting a dog before we had gotten over Luna. Poor Hilda was thrust into this environment and to her credit at first she just went with the flow and showed much more calm over the rest of that weekend than we saw at the boxer fair. We kicked around new names for her and did our best to make our home seem inviting, and that night she slept in our bed as if she had been there all along. 

The next day after Rene had taken Finn for the day Lindsey and I went to go eat lunch and left Hilda in the house with access to the yard like we always did with Luna. Within a few minutes of us being gone she had busted out and when we got home the house was empty. Lindsey drove around the neighborhood looking for her and I got on Facebook and luckily someone in the neighborhood had found her and had posted about it. I arranged a meeting on Facebook where we got Hilda back and the woman commented on what a nice dog she was. For my part that event was a wake up call: I had a stranger in my home and I didn't know what she liked or didn't like or how she would react. I was too busy dealing with emotions that weekend to take on the severity of what we had committed to, and up until that moment I never realized the danger I put us in having a stranger in our bed. I committed to shake off the Luna sadness and focus on what Hilda needed, or the best I could with my conference starting in a week. 

We quickly re-adjusted after that episode. First of all we decided to keep her foster name Hilda as she responded to it and any advantage we could get in acclimating her was needed. Deep down I was happy it kept the "-a" naming convention we had with the previous boxers, as I didn't have a name really in mind for the next dog like we did with Xena and Luna and it was cool all the names rhymed. Lindsey also made plans to get her anxiety medication and I got the crate ready in case we had to crate her, even though she responded poorly and tried to hurt herself trying to get out the one time later that day we locked her in the crate as a test. Eventually it was decided we would leave her out in the house but lock off the dog door the next week to see how she would do. 

Within a week we learned more who Hilda was and how she got in the system so to speak. She took another shot at the fence, meaning that she was a runner and was likely how she got in the foster system to begin with: she likely ran away from her first home. Also after we locked her in the house while we went to work the next week we saw that Hilda had inside her a destructive capability beyond our previous dogs as she completely ruined a set of blinds and tore them off the window. I was immersed in work the day I got the text from Lindsey with the damage, but the pictures scared me as again I was reminded I let a stranger into our home without the bandwidth to deal with the problems she might have. Also I got nervous about her fate as despite her problems Hilda deserved a good home, and I knew if she went back we would never get another rescue boxer probably. Luckily despite how angry Lindsey was within a day Hilda has snuck back into her good graces because the dog obviously preferred Lindsey and liked to cuddle, two things Lindsey could really use in a post-Luna world. 

Three weeks later and that is still the worst thing Hilda has done, though Lindsey now pulls up all the blinds before we leave her alone to avoid giving her chances at another event like that. Finn has really enjoyed having Hilda around, and as soon as he gets home from school he is quick to yell "hey white dog!"  the moment he sees her. She likes getting him up in the morning and going to the park with him, and despite many different things he has done to her in this time she has proven my faith in both her and her breed: she is a stranger no more. 

At the end of last week with my conference completed, her being acclimated and life generally going well it finally felt like the dark clouds of the year were finally lifted. Both Lindsey and myself keep struggling with our sadness over Luna and in moments that can still seem overwhelming, but in those moments I reach out and give a big hug to the new small boxer that has somehow snuck into our lives. "Bilda" as Finn calls her is now part of the family, both a dog we rescued from the system and a dog that rescued us from our sadness post Luna. No longer a stranger in our bed she is now part of our home, and we are glad to have her.