Buying a New Printer

I decided to wind down our little family toy company this month after a lot of thought. Partially because nothing but the game consoles really made money, but also because the time needed to follow up on ebay and print all the labels and take everything away became a big ask when my work was busy and Lindsey's focus was mostly on getting ready for her big surgery that she has wanted the entire time I have known her. The last day of winding it down our HP printer stopped working right in the middle of a label batch right before I was to go to UPS, complaining about a printerhead issue. A little Googling gave me the notion it was toast, which at first irked me as I remember the buying process for the printer very well which must mean it was a somewhat recent purchase. 

Getting a new printer wouldn't be easy though, COVID has greatly increased demand. Prices were high and supplies were minimal. For the first few weeks I just ignored the issue, but then when Luna got really sick and stopped being able to eat food I wanted to print off her medical records and I couldn't which upset me. It was a hard enough time in life: Lindsey's grandad had just died and the funeral hadn't even happened yet, Luna hadn't eaten by about 8 days at that point as vets screwed me around with what they were and weren't willing to do, and Finn and myself were sick with some sort of mystery bug (not COVID) that was bad enough that he had his first ER visit in his life because of it. 

By that point I was trying to spend the time with Luna to say the most goodbye I could say. We went for what I thought was my last walk me and her, and I stole every moment laying or sitting next to her I could. I wanted to prepare myself for her death the best I could as I had begun to accept that this particular situation would probably be her end given how unhelpful our local vets were. In particular my favorite vet basically fired us after we got too demanding in regards to her, and no one else nearby was willing to treat a dog that still seemed spry as urgent. But I could see the writing on the wall as Luna threw up everything she ate, I knew eventually she would drop off the cliff and be gone. But a last ditch effort on the 10th day made it clear that one place in Austin (the place Xena died at) could maybe save her because of a specialist there. But I needed to print off her records from the vet who fired us but couldn't. Our plate was full and not having a working printer made it worse. 

I eventually found a new printer we could afford locally that I knew was more expensive than the printer I had. Curiously I began to look up that old order to see how wronged I was by how short its life was, and when I found it I was kinda shocked. Late 2014 Amazon said, for $60 less than the new printer but also a purchase that wasn't as recently as I thought. It was six and a half years old, and it was bought when we lived in another house and Lindsey had a different job and we had different cars and two more dogs and in particular Luna had most of her life left to live. 

Then when it became time to replace the printer with the new one I noticed the bite marks on the old printer from the days when we used to lock all the dogs in a single room when maids came and young Luna would tear up everything in that room in a rage (to the point I would put boxes in there to give her worthless targets). Those teeth marks were from a particularly bad day when she was really upset, from a completely different era in her life than the current stoic and softhearted Luna we knew today. The Luna that would never hurt Finn even when he would headbutt her bad hip wanting to play, the Luna that got in between Finn and strange dogs when I took them both to the park. The Luna that would worry if a single person of hers wasn't home (including Finn), the Luna that was home during COVID and who we got to really soak up during that year. The Luna that a year ago I wrote a blog post about her wanting to live just one more year, and that this week I was working out how to say goodbye to. 

I walked in on Lindsey crying and hugging her  the day before she left for Denton and realized that she hadn't had the time to let go because of the event around her grandad's death combined with how perky Luna still seemed to be. I realized more than anything she needed space to go grieve for him and still have Luna on the map, and so I set out the day before his funeral to find a way to hospitalize her and guarantee her one more day. On that path I also found her best hope, which was both frustrating and exhilarating. But it was only fair if I got the space to say goodbye she got the same, and that became my main goal to give her that space and as much time as we could. 

We knew about the Heart of Texas vet since 2017, as that was the place we took Xena on her last night and that is where Xena passed away. Our primary vet did recommend we hospitalize her there before I actually did, but it didn't seem so much like "because only they can help" as much as he wanted to wipe his hands of the situation and us. Our new secondary vet didn't seem to care, so the day before the funeral I took her to a place she went once for boarding and where she got treatment during her stay. They took her in and examined her and then the vet got real with me (finally!): there was nothing they could do, and only the specialist at the Heart of Texas could treat her. I didn't even know the Heart of Texas vet had a specialist for that, I thought it was just the ER vet where dogs went to die. They said they would refer her over but I didn't want to wait now that hope was on the table. So afterward I went home and got ready and Finn and Luna and myself went to see about that last hope in the early evening the day before the funeral. I was going to get that extra day and not ever have the regret I didn't try to do enough to save her all in one shot. 

Poor Heart of Texas was confused by the move. They called to setup the appointment for her to see the specialist later in the week while I was in the parking lot but I told the woman that "Luna was actually already there" much to her surprise. The ER vet tried to talk me into not leaving her there and waiting the few more days until I could get a regular specialist appointment based on how spry she was, but I cornered her and asked "how long can a dog live without eating? Are you sure she can make it to that date?" The ER vet admitted she couldn't and that if she stayed the night per policy the specialist would see her that very next day. So close to what I had wanted all day- a guarantee Luna made it through the night and a real shot at saving her- I simply asked where was the dotted line I could sign. Ethereum had gone on a real run in the last year, "to the moon" as the cryptogeeks say. I was willing to sell some to save my moon dog and to not have to live with the regret that maybe she could have been saved if I just could have made one of the now 6 vets involved give a shit about a dog that didn't seem dead yet. 

So now I wait to hear what will become of her, while also planning how I will say goodbye if the specialist doesn't have any more answers for me. The new printer did its job and printed off the records for the specialist to see, and the vet did the minimum I wanted and Luna lived another day to see Lindsey again in some capacity. I wish my memory could remember what puppy Luna was like as well as it remembers the process to buy consumer items a half a decade ago, but maybe it doesn't for a reason so I can appreciate the still wonderful Luna I still have today and have the capacity to one day remember her too when she is no longer with us. Printers just get thrown out when they die, but Luna will stay in my heart forever as she shaped who I am and was an essential part of Finn's early life. She was the dog who did everything I ever asked out of her and was there through some of the most difficult parts of my life. No matter if its the end, or we just got some more time, she has more than earned a legacy that I will tell Finn about just in case he doesn't remember the "abbu" he loves so much today and was there so much for him when he was little.