Smiling at dad

An important marker in the life of both babies and parents is the moment the baby can smile on purpose, the moment a baby can show people affection. Early in their life when they are just small and oblivious it’s hard to bond or know if you are even noticed. Obviously being a parent is more than a positive feedback loop, but we naturally seek any signs to show us we are heading down the right road.

A few weeks in I was happy to fool myself. A face that was likely due to passing gas that looked like a smile was taken as one too often only for others to tell me I was fooling myself. I would smile at him ever day hoping for a break through, but most days him not crying was enough of a victory.

Then one day it happened: he smiled at dad. I got so excited I began to sing the song that formed in my heart, the first joyous song to come from there probably since Xena died. As I sang the song “Smiling at me” he would smile even more, and soon he would be cooing and even laughing at reactions to what I did. I finally felt like a real dad.

"Smiling at me while I am smiling at Finn.
Finn gets the smiles, dad gets the win."

Here I am months into him smiling and I now realize how much I need to appreciate his toothless smiles while he is in this stage of his life. Soon he will be talking and walking and that time will be appreciated too, but I also know that there will be many days in some future when I would give anything to have one more smile from a baby Finn that by then will be long gone.