As we enter the last month before Finn is born I reflect back over the pregnancy and 2018 in general to see how far we have come. At this point all the parties are over and the nursery is built, all that is left is for him to show up.
Every morning when I cuddle Luna I think about what a luxury that is, and every day as I go through routines that have been in place for five years I wonder in what way my life will change that I can't expect yet.
2018 was a big transition year for me, as we transitioned away from our life on Laurel Lane to what our life is today. Early in the year I was trying to flesh out the mindset of that old life before it was gone, and throughout the year I did my best to get the house setup how we wanted it long term. When Lindsey got pregnant this mission suddenly had a timeline for completion, and I planned out the nine months the best I could to make them as productive as possible.
One thing I never could have predicted was how long the pregnancy would feel like. And not in a bad way, just in the way that it was a way bigger experience than I would have guessed.
The first month or so dragged on as Lindsey started getting sick, then we went through the month of hell that felt like half a year. Then since then between social obligations and Lindsey not feeling well it has felt like this pregnancy has dragged out way longer than I ever thought it would.
Now here I am within the last month for sure. I have a few final tasks to do before Finn comes- figure out what to do with Roscoe, make sure our house gets repaired, get a few final baby things setup. But really everything important I had planned for the pregnancy is in the rearview mirror. My top priority is to sleep and finish a couple of Switch games just in case Finn completely sucks away my energy to play them.
An important part of this blog, and this process, was the concept that in 2018 we were transitioning away from our old lives on Laurel Lane to our new ones. My early posts, well into the month of hell, were all of the mindset I had while we lived in Laurel Lane. A mindset that by Christmas had slipped away.
Now I am left with a new mindset, a hopefulness of where we go from here, and a longing to finally meet Finn. Lindsey is the one who is really having the hard time, as every day she lives uncomfortable and exhausted. I am doing my best to help her out, without getting too worked up so that way I feel rested when Finn comes.
Some of my pregnancy plans went better than I expected, and some of them didn't go as planned. My goal to finish growing up in nine months and expand my tolerance for tasks I dislike was a partial success, as I can tell progress but in many ways I am completely off of my best intention plans made eight months ago.
More than anything after going through the process I am glad we did it when we did. If we would have waited just a few more years it could have been harder on both Lindsey and me- I for sure don't feel like I did in 2014 when I was drinking green juice every day. If we would have done it earlier then these times I look back on the last ten years we have spent together might not have been the same, or might not have been at all.
One thing clear to me is the last 4-5 years I have been going through a big nostalgia trip (first retro games, then BTTF2, then the Switch) which has allowed me to re-examine my own childhood to understand what sort of father I want to be...what sort of childhood I want Finn to have. Plus by revealing in what was the best parts of my life I am ready to somewhat put me in the backseat and start living for Finn for probably the rest of my life.
Its less than one month left and I am excited, scared, happy, nervous and most of all I don't feel ready. but I don't know if I ever will after what has felt like a two year pregnancy. Here Finn comes, ready or not.
Every morning when I cuddle Luna I think about what a luxury that is, and every day as I go through routines that have been in place for five years I wonder in what way my life will change that I can't expect yet.
2018 was a big transition year for me, as we transitioned away from our life on Laurel Lane to what our life is today. Early in the year I was trying to flesh out the mindset of that old life before it was gone, and throughout the year I did my best to get the house setup how we wanted it long term. When Lindsey got pregnant this mission suddenly had a timeline for completion, and I planned out the nine months the best I could to make them as productive as possible.
One thing I never could have predicted was how long the pregnancy would feel like. And not in a bad way, just in the way that it was a way bigger experience than I would have guessed.
The first month or so dragged on as Lindsey started getting sick, then we went through the month of hell that felt like half a year. Then since then between social obligations and Lindsey not feeling well it has felt like this pregnancy has dragged out way longer than I ever thought it would.
Now here I am within the last month for sure. I have a few final tasks to do before Finn comes- figure out what to do with Roscoe, make sure our house gets repaired, get a few final baby things setup. But really everything important I had planned for the pregnancy is in the rearview mirror. My top priority is to sleep and finish a couple of Switch games just in case Finn completely sucks away my energy to play them.
An important part of this blog, and this process, was the concept that in 2018 we were transitioning away from our old lives on Laurel Lane to our new ones. My early posts, well into the month of hell, were all of the mindset I had while we lived in Laurel Lane. A mindset that by Christmas had slipped away.
Now I am left with a new mindset, a hopefulness of where we go from here, and a longing to finally meet Finn. Lindsey is the one who is really having the hard time, as every day she lives uncomfortable and exhausted. I am doing my best to help her out, without getting too worked up so that way I feel rested when Finn comes.
Some of my pregnancy plans went better than I expected, and some of them didn't go as planned. My goal to finish growing up in nine months and expand my tolerance for tasks I dislike was a partial success, as I can tell progress but in many ways I am completely off of my best intention plans made eight months ago.
More than anything after going through the process I am glad we did it when we did. If we would have waited just a few more years it could have been harder on both Lindsey and me- I for sure don't feel like I did in 2014 when I was drinking green juice every day. If we would have done it earlier then these times I look back on the last ten years we have spent together might not have been the same, or might not have been at all.
One thing clear to me is the last 4-5 years I have been going through a big nostalgia trip (first retro games, then BTTF2, then the Switch) which has allowed me to re-examine my own childhood to understand what sort of father I want to be...what sort of childhood I want Finn to have. Plus by revealing in what was the best parts of my life I am ready to somewhat put me in the backseat and start living for Finn for probably the rest of my life.
Its less than one month left and I am excited, scared, happy, nervous and most of all I don't feel ready. but I don't know if I ever will after what has felt like a two year pregnancy. Here Finn comes, ready or not.
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